The transition to college sports is one of the most exciting—and challenging—phases of an athlete’s career. It’s an environment where competition is fierce, and athletes must step up their game.
One issue that often causes tension is playing time. If your child is not getting the minutes they feel they deserve, it can be frustrating.
As a parent, it’s natural to want to advocate for your child, but the question remains: should you talk to the coach about playing time?
The Reality of College Sports
When athletes reach college, they’re entering a whole new level of competition. College coaches are making decisions based on what’s best for the team—not just one player.
Playing time isn’t guaranteed based on talent alone. Coaches have to balance individual needs with the team’s overall strategy and goals.
It’s important for parents to understand this reality. College coaches are there to win, and they do so by creating a lineup that gives their team the best chance at success.
Sometimes, that means tough decisions, where even talented players might not get the playing time they expect.
As a parent, it’s easy to feel like you need to step in, especially when your child is struggling. But unfortunately, talking to the coach about playing time can create more problems than it solves.
Why Parents Should Avoid Talking to Coaches About Playing Time
There’s a fine line between supporting your child and overstepping. Here’s why talking to the coach about playing time is usually not the right move…
Coaches Are Making Strategic Decisions
Coaches have one job: to put the best team on the field.
They are evaluating a lot of variables—talent, work ethic, fit within the team dynamic, and more. These are not always things that parents have insight into. By stepping in, you may unintentionally undermine the coach’s authority and judgment.
Remember, the coach’s role is to manage the team for long-term success. They need to make the decisions that are best for the team as a whole, not just one player.
It Can Damage the Athlete-Coach Relationship
College sports are about learning, growth, and maturity. One of the most valuable lessons an athlete can learn is how to advocate for themselves.
When parents step in to discuss playing time, it can put the athlete in a difficult position. They might feel like they’re not capable of handling the situation on their own, or worse, they might feel like their parents don’t believe in them.
If an athlete is feeling frustrated, they should talk to the coach themselves. Not only does this show maturity, but it also gives them control over their journey. When a parent steps in, it can create unnecessary tension and potentially damage the trust between the athlete and the coach.
It Sends the Wrong Message About Responsibility
When parents intervene on behalf of their children, it can prevent the athlete from learning how to handle tough situations on their own.
Athletes need to learn how to approach challenges, communicate effectively with coaches, and take responsibility for their own development. By handling the situation for them, you’re not helping them grow.
Ultimately, college athletes need to learn how to manage disappointment, deal with frustration, and use those feelings to fuel their growth. It’s a critical skill that will serve them not just in sports, but in all aspects of life.
When Should Parents Step In?
While it’s generally best for parents to avoid talking to the coach about playing time, there are situations where a parent’s involvement may be necessary. These situations are rare and should be handled carefully:
If the Athlete Requests Help
Sometimes, an athlete might feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to approach the coach. If they ask for your help, offer guidance on how to have a constructive conversation with the coach.
Encourage them to express their frustrations directly, respectfully, and with a focus on improvement.
However, it’s crucial that you don’t handle the conversation for them. Empower your child to take ownership of the situation. After all, their success in sports—and in life—depends on their ability to advocate for themselves.
If There Are Legitimate Concerns About Well-Being
If you believe that your child is being treated unfairly or is facing mistreatment from the coach or team, that’s a different matter. In these cases, it may be necessary to step in and address the situation.
Approach it with a focus on clarity, not confrontation. This isn’t about demanding playing time—it’s about ensuring that your child’s well-being is being respected.
If Mental or Emotional Health Is At Risk
Athletes’ mental and emotional health should always come first.
If your child is struggling with anxiety, depression, or severe emotional distress related to their playing time or performance, it may be time to step in and seek support from the coaching staff, sports psychologists, or the athletic department.
This type of intervention is meant to ensure your child gets the right support, not to demand playing time. It’s about prioritizing their mental health and well-being above all else.
What Can You Do Instead?
Instead of stepping in to talk to the coach about playing time, here’s how you can help your child navigate the situation…
Help Them Develop Self-Advocacy Skills
Encourage your child to speak up for themselves. If they’re unhappy with their playing time, they need to have a mature conversation with the coach.
This isn’t about complaining—it’s about asking for constructive feedback.
Help them understand that it’s okay to ask questions, but they need to approach the conversation with a focus on growth. Ask questions like, “What can I improve on to earn more playing time?” rather than “Why am I not playing?”
Teach Resilience
Being an athlete is about more than just physical ability. It’s about mental toughness, resilience, and perseverance. If your child isn’t getting the playing time they want, use this as an opportunity to teach them how to handle adversity.
Remind them that setbacks are part of the process. Everyone experiences disappointment in their athletic careers—it’s how you handle it that determines your success.
Help them stay focused on what they can control: their effort, their attitude, and their improvement.
Support, Don’t Push
Your role as a parent is to support your child, not to push them into anything. Be there for them emotionally, but resist the urge to intervene on their behalf.
Let them handle their own challenges and celebrate their wins and losses along the way.
If they’re feeling frustrated, help them reframe the situation. Encourage them to see the bigger picture and remind them that playing time isn’t everything. It’s about development, team dynamics, and long-term growth.
Promote a Growth Mindset
Athletes who focus on growth rather than immediate outcomes are the ones who succeed in the long run. Encourage your child to take every opportunity as a chance to grow—whether that’s in practice, in games, or even in moments of frustration.
Remind them that improvement takes time, and the journey is just as important as the destination. This mindset will not only help them on the field but will also serve them in every aspect of life. Learn more about fostering a growth mindset with these practical tips from Success Starts Within.
Create a Positive Support System
An athlete’s support system is critical to their success.
Encourage them to lean on teammates, coaches, and even sports psychologists.
It’s not about pushing for immediate playing time—it’s about creating a network that supports their personal growth and well-being. Building a support system for athletes is essential to creating a positive environment that fosters long-term success.
Final Thoughts
When it comes to playing time, parents need to take a step back and trust the process.
Coaches are there to make the best decisions for the team, and players need to take responsibility for their own development.
Instead of stepping in and demanding playing time, parents can help by supporting their athletes through the ups and downs, teaching them resilience, and encouraging them to advocate for themselves.
The journey in college sports isn’t just about wins and losses—it’s about growth, learning, and developing into a better version of yourself.
As a parent, your role is to guide your child through these experiences, helping them become not just better athletes, but stronger, more independent individuals.
If you feel like your child is struggling with playing time due to mental blocks, one-on-one mental performance coaching may be best for them.
Please fill out the form below to learn more about mental coaching, or you can click here to schedule a free introductory coaching call.
Thank you for reaching and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.
